Monsters in the Closet
Hmm. How do I put this?
I grew up with the monsters in the closet. When the door was open- they didn't exist. It was just me 'all alone' standing in a closet. Being told that I was making things up…but when the door closed…. The monsters came out.
My family was likable- as long as you didn't know them 'behind the curtains'. It really confused me for so many years. Since I was usually with them- I only got very few glimpses of their 'good' side.
So when I would speak of how traumatic my home life was- I didn't know if it was traumatic or if my family really was nice and I was just…idk.. misinterpreting the violent events that I witnessed.
I was expressing these thoughts to Jono just now after he read Stretching. He said "So all I heard was 'we are monsters and don't like you exposing light onto us'." That REALLY is what my childhood was like. And when I spoke out about what was happening- my mother and older sister especially, would tell me that I was making it all up in my head.
A clear memory is of when I learned about such a thing as Verbal Abuse- those two words changed my life. For WEEKS almost every other response was "That’s overgeneralization, which is Verbal Abuse." or "That's degrading jokes, which is Verbal Abuse." or "That's abusive." Boy did they have such retorts to me! But I kept at it. I memorized all 60 forms of Verbal Abuse. It became 2nd nature to identify the abuse before they were even done delivering it.
Are you surrounded by people who act one way around 'others' but then change 'at home'?
Are you one of these people?
I grew up with the monsters in the closet. When the door was open- they didn't exist. It was just me 'all alone' standing in a closet. Being told that I was making things up…but when the door closed…. The monsters came out.
My family was likable- as long as you didn't know them 'behind the curtains'. It really confused me for so many years. Since I was usually with them- I only got very few glimpses of their 'good' side.
So when I would speak of how traumatic my home life was- I didn't know if it was traumatic or if my family really was nice and I was just…idk.. misinterpreting the violent events that I witnessed.
I was expressing these thoughts to Jono just now after he read Stretching. He said "So all I heard was 'we are monsters and don't like you exposing light onto us'." That REALLY is what my childhood was like. And when I spoke out about what was happening- my mother and older sister especially, would tell me that I was making it all up in my head.
A clear memory is of when I learned about such a thing as Verbal Abuse- those two words changed my life. For WEEKS almost every other response was "That’s overgeneralization, which is Verbal Abuse." or "That's degrading jokes, which is Verbal Abuse." or "That's abusive." Boy did they have such retorts to me! But I kept at it. I memorized all 60 forms of Verbal Abuse. It became 2nd nature to identify the abuse before they were even done delivering it.
Are you surrounded by people who act one way around 'others' but then change 'at home'?
Are you one of these people?
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