Leave The Violence Behind

I come from a violent family. Violent in their words, violent in their emotions, and Yes, violent in their actions.

I moved to PA because my younger sister punched me when I told her she couldn't yell at me anymore. I stopped talking to my mother and older sister when my older sister had her boyfriend threaten me to the point of calling 9-1-1 and my mother told me I was over reacting.

Now to be thousands of miles away from them (ok, more like 1700) I have a new take on my childhood. I see many others on a daily basis fighting. Screaming, hitting, hating themselves and taking it out on others. I feel SO powerless. And I am. I can't barge in on their tantrums because that would only fuel it more.

I feel like a coward for staying in my apartment, being online to create an income for my family. Instead of hunting down the sound of the young child crying and the parent yelling. To put it bluntly, I hate myself and yet can't seem to find a solution that wouldn't endanger my own son from their rage.

So here I sit. (Well stand) Staring at this computer screen pondering. How? How, Cyi, can you respect yourself and change the lives of other victims of violence?

*sigh* I resign to living my life OUT LOUD. Violence is not the way. Leave it behind. I have. May my life's journey turn into a path for others to find peace.

That is all I can think of to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Personal Accountablity

You can blame the person abusing you. Tell yourself that they don't care about you, that if they just changed then you'd be happy. You can't change them. You can only change yourself. If you are staying with an abusive person then it is because YOU don't care about yourself, that YOU won't change your life to be happy. Change is hard. It takes time and confronting of fears. Push through the fears, leave the abuse, and come into a new age of Self Respect.
Read more

Family

Mom. Dad. Sister. Brother. Aunt. Uncle. Grandma. Grandpa. Cousin. Family is just a word. Blood or not, they are still just people. Try this exercise: Replace the title with their name. Using their name, describe the person. What do they value? Using their name, describe how they interact with you. Do they respect your boundaries? Do they support your dreams? There is no excuse for abuse. Too many beautiful people that I have known stay in unhealthy situations for years simply because of a title. They get disrespected and hurt. I patiently sit on the sidelines and watch them go on the emotional roller coaster. Eventually they start becoming more independent. They take time away from the abuse then are shocked at how intense the abuse is when they get back. You are not a 'bad' person for no longer associating with unhealthy people. Try this exercise with everyone in your life. Those that respect you, support you, and embrace you- give a genuine Thank You to. Those that don't-...
Read more

Prevention

The more I come to know of life, the more I see that most heartaches and stressful situations can be prevented. It doesn't need to come down to some huge trauma or emotional explosion. If you don't want to be in a negative environment then surround yourself only with people who meet your needs (not addictions as describe earlier) in a healthy manner. Plan ahead, save money to be invested, and understand human behavior. Being a mother of a young child I totally understand how confusing it can be. Is he crying because he's hungry? Tired? Teeth coming in? Bored? Over stimulated? We were walking by an apartment last week where a young child was crying. Over that I heard a woman shouting angrily "What the ***k are you crying for?" I felt sorry for the child. They are being raised in an environment that is abusive. They will grow up to believe that their needs are too demanding upon others and therefore will never be met. I also felt sorry for the woman. The woman seems...
Read more